Fedor Facts

Fedor Facts (inspired by the Chuck Norris Facts)

  1. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Fedor can piss his name into concrete
  2. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Fedor can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants
  3. Fedor counted to infinity – twice
  4. Fedor’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Fedor
  5. Fedor’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried
  6. Fedor was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds
  7. Fedor died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him
  8. Fedor puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”
  9. Superman owns a pair of Fedor pajamas
  10. Fedor does not sleep. He waits.
  11. Fedor can slam revolving doors
  12. Fedor sleeps with a night light. Not because Fedor is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Fedor
  13. Once a cobra bit Fedor’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died
  14. Fedor was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  15. Fedor does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Fedor goes killing
  16. Fedor’s wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, “Time to kick ass.”
  17. When Fedor gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live
  18. Fedor is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Fedor
  19. Giraffes were created when Fedor uppercutted a horse
  20. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Fedor
  21. Fedor’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Fedor will not take crap from anyone
  22. Fedor has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants
  23. Fedor is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face
  24. When Fedor exercises, the machine gets stronger
  25. Fedor doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, “Now.”
  26. Fedor can build a snowman out of rain
  27. Fedor once had a heart attack; his heart lost
  28. Fedor plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver… and wins
  29. Fedor can kill two stones with one bird
  30. M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Fedor can touch this
  31. Fedor once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff
  32. The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Fedor didn’t kill you in your sleep
  33. Fedor once punched a man in the soul
  34. Fedor did that to Michael Jackson’s face
  35. The chief export of Fedor is pain
  36. The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Fedor. This amuses Fedor because he is bulletproof
  37. Fedor can tie his shoes with his feet
  38. Fedor can drown a fish
  39. When Fedor enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off
  40. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Fedor
  41. Fedor was once the F.B.I’s chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, “This is Fedor.”
  42. Fedor used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him
  43. The last digit of pi is Fedor. He is the end of all things
  44. A unicorn once kicked Fedor. That is why they no longer exist
  45. Bullets dodge Fedor

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Responses

  1. Awsome!!!

  2. 🙂 good
    i’ll translate it for my russian blog, and may be Fedor will some fun

  3. This was just crap… it’s the chuck norris facts with fedors name instead! LAME.

  4. Chuck is not really all that tough — suits Fedor. Chuck taps to Fedor.

  5. Fedor > Chuck Norris

  6. Fedor > Superman as well

  7. Pathetic copy of Chuck Norris facts…

  8. hilarious, I wrote some of these based on Chuck Liddell. Like, “Chuck Liddell once had sex with 10 underage girls in the same night. He would have been guilty of statutory rape except he was 14 at the time.”


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